A Tale of Presents and Pillowcases
by Wickfield
Summary: Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer are in terrible predicament - they've forgotten Macavity's birthday! What do you get the Cat who has everything?


_I initially wrote this story in 2008 for the one-year anniversary of my sister's Mungojerrie shrine. Since it's been down for a few years, I thought I'd share this silly little fic here so you can read it if you didn't get a chance originally. ;)_

**A Tale of Presents and Pillowcases**

In the city there was a theatre, and by the theatre there was an alley, and in the alley there was a trashcan, and on the trashcan sat a Cat, who was busy shining up his collar because he thought it made him look Ferocious. He would scrub it with his arm, hold it out to admire his striped reflection, and then set to work again, much to the ridicule of Rumpelteazer, who had also taken residence on the trashcan. Mungojerrie (for it was he) went on this way for a while, until he began to notice, from the corner of his eye, that Rumpelteazer had started getting shifty and glancing around quickly. Then again, Rumpelteazer wasn't that great of a thief and did this a lot, so Mungojerrie did not take as _much_ notice as a doting older brother ought to.

At least, he ignored her until she grasped onto his shoulders and began shaking him vigorously.

"What ah you doin'?" Mungojerrie demanded, prying away his partner's paws and staring at her incredulously.

Rumpelteazer's eyes were large and her voice was scarcely a whisper when she asked, "Mungojerrie, wha' day is it?"

"Thursday…" he answered carefully, hoping that answer would calm her down.

"NO, JERRIE! WHAT'S THE _DATE_!"

In wonderment, he told her. Rumpelteazer immediately chewed a claw. "Jerrie," she said, seriously, "that is wha' I thought."

"Why, wha's wrong wi' that?" Mungojerrie probed.

"Mungojerrie, if you ah roight about the date, do you know wha' tomorrow is?" Rumpelteazer asked.

"No."

"It…is…" – Rumpelteazer was about three centimeters from his face – "_Macavity's birfday_."

Mungojerrie gasped, and dropped his collar in the alley. "M-Macavity's birfday? Rumpelteazer! We forgot 'is _birfday!_ What are we gonna do?"

"Do you remember what happened to the last Cat who forgot Macavity's birfday?"

Mungojerrie remembered. He wished he hadn't. "What can we _get_ 'im?" he asked, frightened.

"Oi 'ave no idea."

"We're thieves, Rumpelteazer! We should be able to get whateva he wants!"

"That's the problem, Jerrie. He's a thief too. He's already _got_ all he wants. He's got everythin'. What do you get the Cat who 'as everythin'?"

They sat staring at each other, then stared at the brick wall, deep in thought, then stared at the ground thinking about what would be their fate. It was then Mungojerrie had a dim thought in his head, which he suspected might be an idea.

"Rumpelteazer," he said, slowly and gleefully, "there is one thing that Macavity _doesn't _'ave."

"I'm afraid Oi 'aven't the slightest idea to wha' you ah referrin', Jerrie," Rumpelteazer replied.

"Think about it, Rumpelteazer. What is Macavity always tryin' to get?"

Rumpelteazer thought. Then she knew. "Cabbages!"

Mungojerrie blinked. "Ah…no. Oi think Macavity prefers brussels sprouts anyways. No, Rumpelteazer, every week or so Macavity plans an expedition to get…."

Rumpelteazer racked her dusty brain, and then she really _truly_ knew. She met Mungojerrie's eyes, and at the same instant they both cried,

"DEMETA!"

"We can kidnap Demeta!" Rumpelteazer sang. "And Macavity'll be so pleased!"

"It'll be the best birfday present eva," Mungojerrie nodded proudly, and fastened his collar around his neck so he would look smart _and_ ferocious. In the middle of hopping up and down and giggling, Rumpelteazer suddenly stopped. "But Jerrie, we ain't kidnappas. We steals and stuff, and gets fishes from the icebox, and socks from the undapants drawer, and pretty ribbonses for my neck, but we neva took anotha Cat before."

"We are expanding our 'orizons, Rumpelteazer," Mungojerrie informed her, and Rumpelteazer had to admit this was true.

"But 'ow ah we gonna do it, Jerrie? Those Jellicles stick togetha like bubble gum. Every one of 'em will be afta us if they know we're gonna nick Demeta. So, ah you thinkin' up a plan?"

It was true, Mungojerrie knew, the Jellicle Cats of the city protected each other, and they always seemed to know when something was up. But Mungojerrie, highly encouraged by being smart _and_ ferocious, was working on the plan at that instant. "Ya see, Rumpelteazer, it goes a lil' somethin' loike this…."

-X-

When the eldest daughter of Victoria Grove (name Cynthia, age 12) laid her head down on her pillow that night, she found there was no pillowcase, and for that matter, no pillow either. A quick investigation revealed her pillow tossed outside in the hedges, and the case nowhere to be found. Of course she knew instantly the culprits. _They_ would not be getting tuna tomorrow, not on her watch.

Those tuna-deprived Cat-burglars were at that very moment hopping underneath a stairway in front of a townhouse on the next street over. In the deep shadows and the dark night, Rumpelteazer and Mungojerrie examined their new silk-blend sack.

"You think it'll 'old 'er?" Rumpelteazer asked, critically, climbing in herself to test it. Mungojerrie unceremoniously dumped her out.

"Of course it'll 'old 'er. Silkworms make very nice work. This pillowcase is almost escape-proof. Now, d'you rememba yer part of the plan?"

"No, Jerrie, Oi do not."

Mungojerrie sighed and raked his claws through his head fur. Little sisters.

"Okay, Rumpelteazer," he sighed, repeating it again. "Say it wi' me now. All those Jellicles still know _we're_ Jellicles, considerin' we 'ave humans to take care of. So they're gonna help you if you really need it. They'll prob'ly all be in the junkyard, on account of the ball's coming up soon and they'll be preparin'."

"Ooh, ooh Jerrie, I rememba now. I runs across and trips, and sprains me ankle."

"_Roight_."

"And then Munkerstrap'll come and save me," she added dreamily.

"Yeah. And while he – and maybe some of the othas, like Alonzo – are busy wi' you, Oi go steal Demeta."

"It's the wickedest thing eva, Jerrie."

"Thank you, Rumpelteazer, Oi appreciate that."

So with the Plan thusly decided upon, Rumpelteazer, without further ado, darted out from beneath the stairs and ran as fast as she could toward the junkyard. Mungojerrie, sack in tow, ran in the other direction.

When Rumpelteazer reached her destination, she stopped and panted, and wondered if she would have enough time to eat some raisins before completing her mission. "This is a very important mission," she told herself eventually, "and if Macavity cuts my 'ead off, I won't eva get to eat raisins again." So she abstained.

Munkustrap was a tall and stately silver tabby, and he made Rumpelteazer swoon whenever she saw him. In fact, her knees went weak instantly, and she dropped to the ground. "Tha' was convenient…oh yeah, the plan…OW OW YOW!"

She waited for Munkustrap to run to her rescue.

He didn't even turn around.

"Per'aps I oughta clear my froat," she decided. Then, "OWWWWWWW!"

Munkustrap's ear cocked, but he looked the wrong way.

"SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, _MUNKERSTRAP_, 'ELP!" Rumpelteazer bawled, gripping her ankle in "pain".

Finally he noticed, and jogged over to the little thief. _Good thing I didn't really need 'im, _she thought, sadly disillusioned. But she just propped herself up and looked at the Jellicle guardian, languishing.

"I twisted moi ankle," she said feebly.

Munkustrap decided to officially weigh the gravity of the situation. "Is it anything serious?" he asked finally.

"Uh…aren't you coming to save me? I'm a Jellicle!"

"Why, Rumpelteazer, you aren't a full time Jellicle. I think you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, aren't you?"

Rumpelteazer had not expected this reaction. She thought Jellicles stuck together like bubble gum. "Well then why'd ya come ova at all?"

"You see, because it's sort of my job," Munkustrap explained. Rumpelteazer blinked. "It really makes sense, if you think about it…uh…Alonzo! There you are!" A black-and-white tom had appeared, and was trying to sneak away unnoticed; not succeeding, he let out a very loud sigh at this order from his superior.

"All right," he groaned. "Come on, Rumpelteazer, pick yourself up and go on."

"But Oi'm a JELLICLE! And where ah _you_ goin', Munkerstrap?"

Without answering, Munkustrap marched on to conduct the Hanging of the Lights for the approaching ball.

Maybe Jellicles only looked out for number one. It certainly seemed that way to Rumpelteazer as Alonzo checked her ankle, could see no problems, and sent her on her way. Her next thought came in a nervous flash – she had failed in her part of the Mission. What would happen to Mungojerrie?

Unlike Rumpelteazer, we know that nothing had happened to her brother, as of yet. As Rumpelteazer watched Munkustrap and Alonzo depart, Mungojerrie was expertly sneaking through the network of pipes, bricks, and rubbish. He quickly ran his greedy eyes over the scene, when finally he lighted on a greenish, dripping pipe, half-hidden by a stack of old apple crates and looking nearly as shy as Demeter herself. Mungojerrie knew Demeter often fled into the safety of this pipe whenever something scary happened. Like when someone looked at or spoke to her.

No one was around, and the coast was clear. "I bet she's in there right now," Mungojerrie grinned, and with a jaunty snap of his arm, he unfurled his sack. The Cat-burglar crept in front of the pipe's opening. Sure enough, Mungojerrie could hear claws echoing inside, and a quiet humming. He stretched the pillowcase around the opening, waited for the eternal space of two minutes and nineteen seconds, and finally the form of a Cat backed into the sack.

"I got 'er!" Mungojerrie cheered, knotting the pillowcase shut. A squeal issued from within. "Sorry, Demeta," he added, almost apologetically, "but it's for the greata good." He grasped onto the sack to hoist it to his shoulder. When he did so, he promptly toppled to the ground. The sack seemed to weigh 100 pounds!

"You're a lot 'eavia then I thought you was," Mungojerrie growled at his loot. Throwing all his own weight into the task, he heaved and puffed and managed to drag his prize to the skirts of the junkyard.

According to the Plan, Rumpelteazer would be there waiting to meet him. But she wasn't. Mungojerrie searched the area, and not finding her, climbed onto the stuffed sack to get a better look. Demeter, understandably, grunted under the weight. But even from up high, Mungojerrie couldn't spot his partner.

"Little _sistas_," the calico Cat groaned. Carefully he tugged his sack behind him and slowly crept into the junkyard. "Rumpelteazer…," he hissed, "….Rumpelteazer? Where _ah_ you?"

"What do you think _you_ are doing?" a voice behind him said. Mungojerrie's ears flattened against his head and he felt a tragic sinking. When he turned, not one, but twenty pairs of bright black eyes met his own. He gulped. Rapidly trying to work out an alibi, he looked past Munkustrap's shoulder and saw a striped body trying to sneak away.

"RUMPELTEAZER!" he roared. The forty bright black eyes swivelled to his sister.

"I _thought_ you were up to something!" Munkustrap growled as Alonzo took the little thief into custody. "You never come around unless you are planning a heist!"

"Jerrie came up wif the idea!" Rumpelteazer protested.

"Tryin' to sell me short, eh?" Mungojerrie snapped.

"It was _your_ stupid plan!"

"It's _your_ fault we got caught!"

"None of that matters," Munkustrap groaned. "What do you have in that sack?"

At this question, Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer stopped glaring at each other. "Uh…wha's in the bag?" Mungojerrie repeated.

"Yes?"

"Uh…." Rumpelteazer thought desperately. "Uh…oh, wha's in the sack? Cabbages!"

Of course no one believed _that_, and Mr. Mistoffelees (the Conjuring Cat) obligingly opened the sack with his magic wand.

"And who do we have in here?" he began theatrically. Then everyone saw.

"JENNYANYDOTS?"

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were as shocked as everyone else!

"Well!" Jennyanydots blustered, setting her ribbon straight and marching up to the calico thieves. "You'd _think_ a Gumbie Cat would earn a little more respect, what with the _cooking_ and the _cleaning_ and – "

"Sorry, ma'am, aw wasn't _tryin'_ to kidnap _you_. What was you doin' in Demeta's pipe?"

"Spring cleaning, of course, when Demeter went to get a card of thumbtacks to decorate the junkyard. That pipe, ugh! A layer of dust _this thick_ – "

"But it's…not spring."

"And your point is?"

Mungojerrie blinked.

"What were you trying to do?" Munkustrap demanded. "Kidnap Demeter?"

When Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer did not reply, a Great Jellicle Ruckus erupted in the junkyard. It was so rowdy it brought the Rumpuscat up from his small basement flat, and let me tell you, he was very surpised that _Cats_ were making such noise. The Cats blamed the thieves, the thieves blamed each other, and everything would have continued quite badly if Old Deuteronomy hadn't arrived when he did.

"Old Deuteronomy!" Munkustrap sighed with relief. "He'll know how to make this right!"

Old Deuteronomy could have been, understandably, a bit grumpy – the noise had interrupted his discussion of Straussburg pie with Bustopher Jones – but Old Deuteronomy was never grumpy. Instead, he calmly asked, "What is all this Great Jellicle Ruckus about?"

Munkustrap was greatly perturbed, and he assumed Old Deuteronomy _must_ be too, otherwise he would never have used a preposition at the end of a sentence. The silver tabby informed him, "Those two ruffians were trying to kidnap Demeter!"

Old Deuteronomy looked at Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer questioningly. "And why would you two want to do a thing like that?"

Rumpelteazer nudged Mungojerrie and made him step forward. He glared at her – _he_ hadn't any alibi – but then he saw Old Deuteronomy looking at him fairly, and he figured he might as well tell the truth. "Well, yas see sir, we was a coupla knuckle'eads and we was gonna steal Demeta, for a present, loike. On account of we forgot Macavity's birfday."

Old Deuteronomy considered this. "Why, _I_ forgot Macavity's birthday, too. I shall have to mail a belated card."

Mungojerrie was stumped. "Well certainly you two knew Macavity used to be a Jellicle?" the wise old Cat chuckled. "In fact, I knew him well. Very well, in fact…." Old Deuteronomy trailed off, deep in thought.

He thought….

and thought….

and thought….

until Mungojerrie wondered if maybe he'd fallen asleep. Finally, Old Deuteronomy ad-dressed the crowd of Jellicles. "If we forget Macavity's birthday, he will be very angry, won't he?"

"That he will, sir," Munkustrap agreed.

"And if he's very angry, he will seek revenge on _all_ the Jellicles, won't he?"

"Most assuredly, sir."

"So it seems, if we give up ONE Jellicle, it will _save_ MANY Jellicles, won't it?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow your logic, sir," Munkustrap faltered. "Are you…suggesting…"

"Yes. We shall give him Demeter."

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer stared at each other, astonished. The Jellicles thought the moon might as well have dropped from the sky.

"But Old Deuteronomy," Rumpelteazer said, "we thought Jellicles stick together like bubble gum!"

"You underestimate me," Old Deuteronomy smiled. "People would never feed me so well if I weren't wise. Now, where is that pillowcase?"

Munkustrap tragically delivered it up. Old Deuteronomy held it open. The crowd of Jellicles waited.

Then Demeter appeared, carrying a card of thumbtacks and looking concerned. "Why… what's going on…_OH!_"

-X-

"Happy birthday to meeee…." A deep voice murmured as the words echoed through an old boarded-up house. The deep voice belonged to a ginger Cat, and the ginger Cat was known as Macavity, and today was his favorite day of the year – his birthday. In honor of the occasion, Macavity had decided to let go of business and to be as friendly and cordial and to kill as few Cats as he was capable.

A crew of motley Cats surrounded him nervously, some of them still gripping carefully wrapped packages. (There was rather a smaller group now than when the party began. Macavity could be cordial, but he _had_ gotten some very bad presents.) The Mystery Cat was in the process of slitting a chartreuse ribbon when suddenly, the doorbell rang. "That must be Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer," he hissed. "At least, I hope so, for their sakes."

The Henchcats stood stock-still as Macavity took the initiative and pulled open the heavy, scratched oak door. What he saw confused him.

"Happy birthday, Macavity," Old Deuteronomy said warmly. "May we come in?"

"What are you…_Jellicles_ doing here?" Macavity growled stiffly, and looking venemously at the pair of striped thieves.

"We got you a present, sir!" Mungojerrie grinned, proudly yet nervously.

"And you're gonna love it and _love_ it!" Rumpelteazer added. The Jellicles waited expectantly as Mungojerrie offered forth the silk pillowcase. Mr. Mistoffelees snapped his claws and the knot magically untied. Macavity dumped out the contents.

"Demeter?"

"SURPRISE!" Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer cried, hopefully. Everyone else was silent as Macavity looked at his gift.

"You two got me _Demeter_? Why on _earth_ would I want _Demeter_ for my _birthday_?" he demanded.

"But sir, you're always tryin' to kidnap Demeter!" Mungojerrie faltered.

"Well of course! Don't you understand that half the fun is the thrill of the hunt?"

A pause fallowed, in which everyone looked at the gift, Demeter.

"Macavity," she gasped, "can I go now?"

"Please do."

Demeter disappeared in the crowd, which Macavity presently turned his back on. He flopped dramatically into a cushion. (Macavity had wanted to be an actor, yet ended up a criminal mastermind. It is down such roads that Life may choose to take us.) "Mungojerrie, Rumpelteazer," he sighed, "don't you _know_ I like practical gifts? Look at _that_ present – a water dish with my name engraved on it. It's perfect. But I've received ridiculous gifts like a juicer or a jack-in-the-box. The Cats that brought me those gifts _simply did not think._ And the worst part, the truly worst part of it is, that neither did you."

The Jellicles wondered if this would be the end of the partners-in-crime. Rumpelteazer remembered with regret that she never ate those raisins, and mournfully remembered you should not put off until tomorrow that which you can do today.

But Mungojerrie had a plan.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" he choked. "Macavity! D'ja really think we'd get you _Demeta_ for yer birfday? What kind of a present is that?" Rumpelteazer and Macavity looked at him quizzically. "Yeah!" Mungojerrie continued. "A prac-i-tical gift? Wha's more prac-i-tical than a _silk-blend pillowcase_?"

And Mungojerrie majestically presented Cynthia's lovely pillowcase to the Napoleon of Crime. Macavity examined this. "I could really get a lot of use with this," he considered. He suddenly scrutinized the hem of the pillowcase. "What does this "C" stand for?"

Mungojerrie gasped as he realized the pillowcase was monogrammed. "Uh… "C" stands for.. CAT!"

"Makes sense," Macavity nodded. "Mungojerrie, I underestimated you. This is a very useful gift. Thank you, and I hope you and your sister would join me for cake. Not _you_," he told the Jellicles flatly. Old Deuteronomy nodded, and began to lead his flock away, when Mungojerrie ran up to the wise leader.

"You had that oidea in yer 'ead the 'ole time, didn't ya," he asked the Cat.

"Why, of course I did, Mungojerrie," Old Deuteronomy smiled. "Macavity used to gripe about his presents way back when he was a Jellicle himself. Even though he no longer is, I still knew he wouldn't have much use for Demeter unless he'd caught her himself."

"So…I was right?" Rumpelteazer asked, coming up.

"About what?" Old Deuteronomy inquired.

But Mungojerrie knew. "Jellicles stick together like bubble gum," he grinned.

Old Deuteronomy simply nodded and walked away.

"That was on account of we're Jellicles, roight, Jerrie?" Rumpelteazer clarified.

"Yeah."

"Oh, okay. Just so we all know."

And the pair of thieves went on to wear paper crowns and feast on birthday cake and ice cream with the Napoleon of Crime.

The End.


End file.
